And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
