you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
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There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
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Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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