i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
