and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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