We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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