at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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