Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
