Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
