I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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