Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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