i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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