So drunk, too bad you don't want this
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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