I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
