at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
