You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
