It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
