I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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