My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
