so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
