Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
