You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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