Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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