I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
