do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
