K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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