i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
