He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
