textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Naked. naked and bneed help.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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