The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
