I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
