Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
