His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
