Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
