i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
