We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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