a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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