omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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