OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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