It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
