Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
either way he was missing a nipple.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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