i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
