just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
