you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
cat food counts as protein by the way
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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