do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
