i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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