You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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