listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
