Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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