worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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