Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
