So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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