her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
wow bdsm is so cute
I enjoy the company of your penis
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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