i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
