dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
