all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
