its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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