Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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