I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize