Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Barsexuality is the new black.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im holly from the hills drunk
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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