when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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