shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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