I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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