I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
pray to the hookup gods
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
