he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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