mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
