Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize