Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
