That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
