Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
