dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
