is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
