Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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