whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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